Intensity

Does anything else even compare to the intensity of being a parent?
I feel very scared and overwhelmed a lot of the time. Does anything else live up to this? To the rawness of this new human being sculpting itself from you? Who draws upon you for soooo much? And with so much giving comes so much receiving and so much learning and growing, it's crazy crazy crazy how much an adult can change and learn, when we thought we were so set in our ways, so "been there done that", here comes a new chance to see EVERYTHING through a new perspective, as reinterpreted by a little brand new pair of eyes, ears, hands, feet and mouth!
I am almost a mother for as long as I was pregnant, she's about to be 8 months old. It's been one wild trip, y'all.

Difficult Sunday

Today has been a very difficult day. I almost had a throwing up fit because of the nervousness in my stomach. I got so angry, got so frustrated, got so tired and upset and confused and scared. I don't want to keep having this same conversation over and over again with Ez about his parents. I wonder if we can move forward form here. I need to double, triple, quadruple up my patience and wait for time to work its miracles in our minds and souls and in life's happenings. Meanwhile, I keep on praying and working. Praying that Ez can work it out on his side as well, instead of me nagging and nagging and getting upset because I;m the only one who sees that change is necessary. I think the more I complain the more I push him towards his family, as an automatic reaction.
 In the meanwhile, I need to practice acceptance.
I'm so tired of weekends and this eternal tension.
God, I don't know what we need. I trust you do. Amen

Cora updates this week:
1. Tooth started tearing through the gum, you can feel it with your finger and see the red ragged line on her gum. She doesn't seem to be too bothered with it thought, thankfully.
2. She's eating more consistently, sometimes accepting spoon feeding, loving her lunch and dinner (rice, beans, etc...) Breast feeding is much more spaced out during the day. She still feeds 3-4 times at night. But sometimes, by some miracle, it goes down to 2, or even 1. Rarely, but still, it happens.
3. Crawling is still right on the cusp. I still am doubtful if she'll ever do it - I keep hoping she'll be like me and skip crawling all together. She loves to stand up and bounce on her little strong legs.
4. She definitely recognizes her name and also songs that have been played over and over or sung over and over. They soothe her, like at her vaccination, it helped her keep calm. What a great resource to have, music! She already associates her lullaby with sleep, I can tell because when I start singing "Hush little darling don't say a word..." her breathing changes and she calms down much more quickly.