For the Records

Let me state, for the records, that I am hating February, this February.
It's Sunday and I feel like doing absolutely nothing. Wait, that might get misconstrued..I feel like DOING NOTHING, I can't bring myself to want to do anything...is that different?
I am secretly conspiring to get out of here again. Any excuse to get out of here, or change my job..
 I wonder...
I feel like calling my psychologist and talking to her, instead I just try to imagine what she would say and go from there.
I can't whine about my job anymore, I mean, it's gonna happen, like it or not. I'm not about to go quitting, so tomorrow I'm going to be there and it's all going to happen all over again. I'm still hanging on to the hope and the promise that this is supposed to get easier. That the kids will get easier, that I will feel more confident. Lord, I hope this is true. I'm worried about my uncanny ability of remaining high up there in my anxiety even when I don't need it anymore.
I want to travel so bad.