Flow

Pitter patter, pitter patter

Pulses, raindrops, muscles that contract and let flow.

Pain and fluids that soar through the body in waves through its own system of undersea currents and contractions. 

I was so embarrassed today, about everything, about me. I felt like driving my car on and on and on. I thought about where I could go, I thought about what ticket to buy once I got to the airport. I thought about a silent haven where nobody could get to me, only the people I wanted to be with me. I realized that wouldn't be possible and went home - close enough.

Another wave tenses and contracts my muscles...let it be, pain will be pain. 

It is about finding my own ground and standing it. It is about me at the beach at 14, my mom and I in constant body scrutiny tension. It's about me having to let go of people who keep me safe right when I'm about to crack and enter that airplane. It's about feeling safer in that airplane than anywhere else on Earth and then having to leave it - back to "real" fffffff life. 

It's about the anger, the fright, the hurt. it's about finding these undersea currents and tapping into their power. Pitter patter pitter patter, I don't mind the idea of standing ground my way from here on. May the consequences be what they may.