Write to Sleep

Panic! at the disco...cuz I can't find my meds tonight. 

Just the idea of not being able to take it if I need it has made me extremely anxious.

¬¬

I just love being myself sometimes, really. 

So here I am...posting...listening to music...playing bejeweled and seeing if I might just fall asleep over the keyboard.  I don't want the 10,250 thoughts racing through my head win me over.

This week has been so strange. So strange. Like my car that turned 180° on the wet road today, I have the same feeling about future events...like I have no control over the direction in which the back wheels of my car are going to turn to, no matter how I hold the steering wheel. 

Flying so you won't land.

It seems like I'm always talking about "big changes" and whatnot, like if my life is so completely undecided...well, it is. It has been, at least. This all leads me to feel very sensitive to each decision and each curve on the road, each tunnel, each road sign, etc. Parking spaces...all the metaphors you can think of. 

The funny (tragic?) thing is that I'm coming to terms that I'm becoming that which I was fighting so hard to not be...a TEACHER. It's just happening.  Life becomes much easier when I just accept and embrace this. Life would become even easier (I think) if I just went ahead and laid down my arms and admited, this is not temporary...I mean, of course I might do other things. I'm sure translation will work out, I know it's a possibility...but a big part of me feels like I'll never be "free" of being a teacher, one way or another. 

Up you go, post, enough for today. Literally...23:55