Getting Somewhere

Some things take getting used to. 

For some people that might mean a week, two..maybe a couple of months. 

In Maya land, that means almost a semester doing the exact same thing and only NOW, NOW, almost JUNE, I've gotten to a point where it's coming (more) naturally, time actually goes by without much ado and I can have a life outside this "new thing". 

I know I've said this before..but every week my relationship with my job changes, grows, morphs...It's intensive adaptation in many, many, many senses. 

Go beyond the obvious, the "actual job and routine". 

That's not what I'm talking about anymore.

It's more like...

Adaptation to what I thought I should be doing and what I'm actually doing.

Adaptaton to what the "bosses" believe I should be doing and what I feel is best (and eventually end up doing).

My adaptation to the kids and theirs to me. To the coworkers...

To people's moods...ideologies...

To my moods and fears... 

Sounds boring...it is, pretty much. 

What fascinates me in all this is the novelty of the idea that I'm sticking it out. That I'm doing something normal. Me! Normal!

Of course, I'm considering when to get out...but it's different from before. I'm dealing with the panic of it, and not taking the straight route of bailing. I consider bailing - I go into total and outright crisis - but then I'm able to go back to middle ground of level-headedness and considering the other option. 

That is the fascination in play. I have a budget, for christ's sake, I have long-term plans. The crises don't stick to me like superglue...don't stick to my stomach. So yes, I have fledglings of long-term plans...And more, I'm actually curious to give them a shot and see what happens, how it all turns out.

I think I might be getting somewhere.