quarta-feira, 21 de dezembro de 2011

From a Bird Eye's View

The world as I see it
is a remarkable place
a beautiful house in a forest of stars in outer space
From a bird eye's view
I can see it has a well-rounded personality
From a bird eye´s view
I can see we are spiralling 
Down in gravity
From a bird eye's view 
I can see you are just like me


A  well-rounded personality...One of my favorite parts of the song, along with "we are spiralling down in gravity". It's not hard for me to love you, no, it´s not a difficult thing.


So many conditions we have and that are so hard to get rid of, even if we are aware and if we try.
I will love you, but, will you love me the way I need you to love me? Can I accept that you will love me as you will, as you can? Can I accept that the same goes for me?
What happens when we look at each other and realize we are frustrated for a second, for a moment, for weeks? Are we respecting each other's space or are we losing ourselves in all this space? Are we trying too hard to be me and you and not achieving the we?
Other questions:
What role am I playing in your life? Are we building this life together or am I a background piece that comes into focus when possible or when youre up to it? How far am I willing to concede to what you need, vice versa and how much can we live with differences and what will never change? How far into this are we, are we individualized enough from our own backgrounds or are we pretending to be? Can we handle being a we and stop hanging on to what our original "families" expect from us and taught us? Can we be creative, can we question, can we get excited about it?

I think that deep down we all are thinking this, at least if we're not in that initial infatuation stage of life:
I will love you, but...you'll change, right? Eventually...you'll see I'm right!

and THAT, my friends, will never happen.

segunda-feira, 19 de dezembro de 2011

I Did it

I did it, I did it and I promised myself that as soon as I did it I would write about how I did it!

the last Monday morning
of the year
before the break.
It's over.

I don't know how it happened, perhaps sheer willpower and all that is responsible in me, but I got up today, I WOKE UP, I ACTUALLY GOT OUT OF BED half awake and wholly angry at students who want class on Christmas week.

But the student didn't.



Can you hear the inner scream of irony and twisted pranks on this precious little last week?

I just want to be home, watching christmas movies and programs and having hot chocolate (ok, not hot chocolate, but very very cold iced drink of some sort, but let's keep the christmas feeling going), hanging out with my boyfriend, sleeping whenever I felt like it and enjoying the endemic never-ending rain!

Soon my dear, soon!

sexta-feira, 16 de dezembro de 2011

Me enxergando I

1. Gosto de tempestades e caos que nos tira todos da rotina, coletivamente. Me faz sentir mais segura e parte de um algo maior.
2. O nivel da minha memoria indica o nivel de business que estou.
Inversamente proporcional.
No momento nao está prestando.
3. Money is not what motivates me, just partly.
4. Sleep is vital.

segunda-feira, 12 de dezembro de 2011

Meu pai se vai

Meu pai chegou e já se vai e estou tão estranha. Dou graças a deus que não dependo mais do meus pais. Consigo ver tão claramente como isso foi tortura na minha vida e fonte de tanta angústia. Eu amo cada um a seu modo mas sei separar agora a dor que provem das memórias e saber que esta dor é real, mas não é de agora. É de outra Maya, outra época. Posso chorar por essa Maya, posso sentir a dor e saber, passou. Passou. Você era só uma menina e agora não é mais. Agora não tem mais o bicho-papão desse jeito. Agora eles não podem mais te deixar sozinha, você não está assustada AGORA. Você está assustada lá, em outro contexto.
Crazy stuff, huh?