segunda-feira, 25 de junho de 2012
Of being pregnant.
I am grumpy a lot of the time, overly sensitive and just need to be left alone, lest I explode in tear or in rage or in self-pity.
I feel such irritation with the world, with all the shit in it and all the people who do stupid things. I've never been this way, so judgmental and impatient. I don't understand why people do things to make other people's lives harder or sadder or full of grief. That includes politicians and all sorts of decision makers to just other people on the street who do things such as litter or people in cars who drive recklessly and don't really care about the feelings of the person next to them. URRRRURURURURUGHHGHGHGHGHGH.
I have to remember that mantra that "I'm doing the best I can" and live with that.
I'm tired of watching everything I eat, of planning ahead at least 2 meals all the time, tired tire tired of caring how much oil or grease or whatever. Tired of feeling like my weight is a little monster that can lose its temper if I eat just one piece of chocolate.
I don't understand why I need to do more bloodwork to check for anything diabetes related if I don't have any telltale signs of it, or any symptoms. I don't understand why I have to get another ultrasound done, if everything is ok. Why must we always assume that something will go wrong?
All her things have been bought/gifted and are sitting quietly in the guest room until we can set it all up in the new place. I hope that helps some, the setting up, decorating, etc.
I want my old weight back, my old sense of balance, my old hips, my butt, my thighs back. My circulation.
My BRAIN, my energy. Ooooohhh I'm feeling so selfish and childish right now. Doing the best I can.