Sétimo Dia

Eis o sétimo dia de viagem. Sete dias; sete vidas.

O sétimo dia traz consigo cansaço e uma sensaçao de calma, pois nao ha mais pressa de se ver tudo e realizar todos os possiveis passeios. Garantimos bom tempo de sol e nao muito calor, só um pouco. Estamos na descida final que nos aproxima ao retorno. Geralmente esta fase é mais silenciosa mesmo.

Let's See What Happens

My eyesight is turning into mush. Everything is headache provoking, and by everything I mean everything. Screens or real life, it all seems to swirl, even though my doctor okayed me about a month ago.

This holiday was quite refreshing and a much needed boost for me to reach the 15^th in more of one piece.

I put it in my head that I want to reach a personal target, a target full of meaning for me:

I want to complete one year working at the same place. The only time this happened was at Animax. This has grounded me, this new target. 

I have a goal – stick it out a year and SEE WHAT HAPPENS. (deep breath)

Simple as that. Just see what happens as you try something never before done. See what happens as you actually grow financially independent, see what happens as you encroach on two years of a serious and stable relationship.

See what changes, see what doesn’t.

From here to there it is a stretch of a leg. I already told you my theory about the end of the year…it’s practically here. November is the real last month, not December. December is just work xmas parties, family xmas parties, friend xmas parties and so on and so forth. Everyone seems to be in a better mood in general, or just less demanding as they realize that they can let go of 2011 and all the results they expected. Let go.

See what happens. I have completed 4 months since I first set foot at my current job, the first trimester is over – maybe the morning sickness is over as well. 

O Objetivo

O objetivo, e devo ter isso bem claro, e' o crescimento. 'E deixar morrer certas coisas.

Ok.

S'embora

Why You Make Me Nervous

Why is my jaw clenched like I've been under interrogation for an entire day relentlessly?

Because that's what it feels like. 

You make me confront everything about me that has not integrated and has not been accepted by me.

You are everything I am afraid of in myself and my past, and you are a living, breathing being right in front of me. 

You are everything I don't understand about my exiled parts, about the parts that hurt, the hurt that never seems to heal. 

It has to do with identity, like several tarot cards turned face up on the table and I am supposed to choose one.

So yes, I love you, you are fascinating to me, but I don't feel at ease. 

You make me realize what I am not or what I AM but cannot be, at least I haven't figured out how. 

That's Life I Guess

I am absolutely positively driving myself mad.

One moment I love something, the next I hate it.
One moment I feel so proud of myself, the next I feel like crap and incompetent.

I 'm tired of the swinging back and forth!

One moment I'm so calm, the next I'm chewing through my own fingers
One moment focus is my middle name, the next I can't put 2 and 2 together

One moment it seems like the world will crumble under my thunderstorms, then suddenly the most amazing rainbow comes out.
And there you have it.

Sei nell'anima

Ciao italiano...sei ancora con me, non ti ho dimenticato, ok?

Mi manchi molto, specialmente quando inizio a parlare di te con gli altri, quando comincio a raccontare le mie storie con te, con il tuo paese e i tuoi paesini. Come voglio saltare sul treno e ritornarci!!

Ciao viaggiare, non ti ho dimenticato.

Non ho dimenticato i biglietti, i aeri, la sensazione di aver passato tutta la notte mezzo sveglia mezzo dormita mas CONTENTA e con l'adrenalina nelle vene.

Non vi ho dimenticato!! Sono in un periodo un po strano, un po di pausa, un po di "aspetta maya". Sto rivedendo le mie priorità, quello che credo e quello che posso davvero. Cerco di capire quale sono i limiti che davvero esistono e quelli che ho creato me stessa. 

Cerco di rompere i circoli viziosi in cui mi trovo. ma come tutte i cambiamenti veri, ci vuole pazienza e tempo. Voglio che siano vere, non illusioni per poi ritornare allo stesso posto dove mi trovavo prima. 

amen. 

Gestation

I know. Again.

I just need to process.

Think fast, free associatie...

English - I don'tknow
living abroad, it's not the moment
world crisis, our economy is actually the one working well for a change (well, well enough)

Need more time to implement changes, for more clairt is needed. More clarity. Where when how what.

Psychology beckons, I miss it. I miss it.

There, I said it.
What the hell, right? How many little post do I have here about how I wanted to be very far away from it? I don't get it. But ok, write, free association. I miss thinking like a psychologist, I miss the critical thinking, the analytical thinking about life and ways of life. I miss how everything was relative and human were more human.

I miss studying psychopathology especially, it's something I've always had an attraction to. I miss being with people who actually accept this and understand.

I want to go back and finish my course. I want to find something to write my final thesis about. I want to write. I want to study, reading books and taking notes and underlining passages, making summaries and getting ideas. I've been feeling quite stupid without it.

English is the now. I don't know if it's the future. Help me god. HELP ME. Seriously.

Something is gonna give. I know it is.