segunda-feira, 5 de julho de 2010

French Bubbles

My brain is bubbling with French now. Actually, bubbling with grammar world-wide. It sparks me to life as new vocabulary enters my neural connections and my world can make sense in different languages. Fascinating. Fascinating to give someone this view through teaching, as well. Teaching the basic "I eat, I don't eat, Do you eat?" may seem boring but to me it's nothing short of a miracle, like hearing a baby gurgling its first words. Where and what is the magic step between exposure, teaching, repeating, learning and KNOWING? 
Whatever it may be, I love it.
craindre, peindre, devoir, faire, tenir, venir, aller, falloir, vouloir, connaître, avoir, savoir, partir, choisir, épeler, acheter, voyager, bouger, travailler, visiter, accepter, aimer, étudier, habiter, parler, manger.
Sont le mons que vont tres bien ensemble, tres bien ensemble

BTW, for all you language users, learners and lovers, here's one of my favorite and most used sites ever: Check it out...

My dizziness ensues. Let me try this out...J'ai mal à la tête! Oh la lá!
If I try to describe what I've been feeling of late, I'm pretty sure I'll get strange looks followed by inpatience followed by no importance given to the hysterical psychossomatic woman. It feels like something I could call a headache but I know it's not, for it feels like a hole opening up in the middle of my brain, making me dizzy and nauseous. It variates in intensity throughout the day but it's always THERE, just THERE, pulsating and waiting. Then it clenches and squeezes and opens the hole even more and suddenly, where is it? At one point this afternoon, I didn't feel real to myself, I felt like I was floating away and disappearing. I seriously felt fretful for my sanity and even let myself pronounce outloud "Do I exist?". Of course noone caught on or understood my question and I quickly changed the subject into something else. 
None of what I've been living feels real to me. Everything is going well, everything is going smoothly and fresh-yogurtly, yet I have trouble assimilating that it is me in this body and in this life. I see the scenes of my life through some weird mechanism in which I know that is nothing more than memory a few minutes from then, where I know that I can hear, but that doesn't necessarily mean listen. Same for looking and seeing. The more I am learning to just be, guiltless and freely, the more I feel like I'm fading away. Floating, fading, fading, floating.
M'envole, m'effacer
au revoir!

2 comentários:

  1. Maya, you have no idea how many times i've felt that kind of floating apart sensation. Of existing yet not existing at all in the sense of what we should know as existing.

  2. such are the little mysteries of being alive...I guess the trick is finding a way back down. Nothing like a good cup of coffee for me to make me feel "existant" again.:)