domingo, 17 de outubro de 2010

Way Leads on to Way

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 
And sorry I could not travel both 
And be one traveler, long I stood 
And looked down one as far as I could 
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair, 
And having perhaps the better claim 
Because it was grassy and wanted wear, 
Though as for that the passing there 
Had worn them really about the same, 

And both that morning equally lay 
In leaves no step had trodden black. 
Oh, I marked the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way 
I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh 
Somewhere ages and ages hence: 
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, 
I took the one less traveled by, 
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Sorry for the cliche, dear readers, but today is a good day for Robert Frost and his infamous "two roads diverged..." 
Besides being a good day, it is also esquisitely appropriate for what I need to say.
Reminds me of Belle and Sebastian's lines:
I wish I had two paths I could follow, I'd write the ending without any sorrow.

It is time for changes, it is time for decisions. Since actions speak louder than words, read this. I need to clear out my room of all things unneeded and toxic. I will clear out my room as if to clear out my head, giving myself a blank slate and taking a look around without the shelves and closets full of everything that has been and not necessarily is anymore. That's the whole deal, right there, I need to find out what IS, now, and the only way is to clean each book and each hanger, one by one.

Yet knowing how way leads onto way...
I love this particular line. Way leads onto way, and when you make a decision and think "well, i'll just come back to the other option later..." you know that most likely than not, that will not happen.
So, what am I opting for when I make my decisions? What am I leaving behind, what do I need to cherish?

I need to get some things straight, go back to the beginning. 
Lots of things have stopped making sense to me for a while now and I begin to see how my decisions have led up to this crisis. I have forgotten who I am, where I come from. I am trying to ignore what has made me be me over all this time and what has made me the happiest in my short life. It's like I'm trying to fit into this mold of what should be, but my life does not fit into these molds - does not fit into Brasilia's molds and does not fit into US molds. My home has always been in the middle, so what am I doing so far away from there? 

My home has always been a bit quirky and strange, but I love it. I'm stubborn on this point, but I have to be. So many opinions from so many places can be like strong gusts of wind ready to blow my little home away, so I need to be stubborn. 
I'm tired of mourning something that shouldn't be dead, or better yet, isn't dead! 
It's not too late. I have stood here for too long. 

Sorry I could not travel both and be one traveller...

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